Social Skills and the Techno Generation

“Over reliance on digital communication may hinder the development and practice of face-to-face social skills. Non-verbal cues, such as body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice, are essential to in-person communication.” –Grouport Therapy Services

As a parent are you concerned that your kids are growing up lacking the right social skills to carry them forward in life. It’s totally understandable. Many parents feel the same. So many kids, from toddlers upwards, seem to spend a huge amount of their time using technology on a day to day basis. If you have a teen then you may be particularly concerned about their lack of social interaction.

Teens often have difficulty in general communicating with parents while adapting to their new role as almost an adult. Hormones and peer pressure mean that spending time with real live people can be stressful. Immersing themselves in the artificial world of video games is a way of escaping that stress. It can be a positive thing for them, preventing isolation and exposing them to new ideas, cultures and ways of thinking in a ‘safe’ environment. But when it becomes all they know it becomes a problem.

Even those now in their late teens and early twenties are concerned that the generation following them are lacking in basic communication skills and that real life conversations are totally outside their comfort zone. My now 20+ daughter is great at social interaction, even in family gatherings, but she has noticed that today’s teens seem to be finding it a struggle. Their preference is to use technology to distance themselves from real life and the dreadful thought of having to hold a conversation ‘in-person’.

In a totally online world it’s difficult to pick on other, physical cues like body language, tone of voice and facial expression. This can lead to misunderstanding and, in some cases, unnecessary conflict. Human touch too is important to our emotional well-being and too much time interacting with technology can rob us of that, leading to a negative impact on emotional and mental health.

How can we ensure that our kids don’t lose those vital social skills and can navigate the real world happily and effectively?

I can’t speak for you but I can share the things that worked with my daughter. Remember that every child is unique and you have to get the balance right for your own kids. We had some strict rules to help us, and her, weather the technology battles. As a toddler there was strictly no technology allowed. No tablets. No giving her my mobile phone to keep her quiet. No sitting her in front of a movie during our meals out. Toddler groups and playdates helped her learn early social skills. If you are working full time then Nursery is a great alternative.

As my daughter grew older we limited screen time and strictly no technology during meal times. Family dinners were an opportunity to chat about anything and everything. Having a sporting interest helped her with social interactions with both kids and adults. As she got older, teaching the younger kids definitely improved her communication skills.

We’ve had some amazing conversations in the car. Discussing complex subjects like theology alongside totally pointless subjects like how amazing the baby Rhino is and that he looks like he is wearing pyjamas. I’m proud that she has grown up into a well adjusted, caring adult that can communicate comfortably with her peers as well as the generations that preceded her.

I feel that getting the balance right for the individual child is the key. It’s tough but it can be done without putting draconian rules in place. Here are some suggestions based on my own experience. Encourage your toddlers to colour and draw then tell you all about the images. Encourage your primary school kids to write stories and read them out loud. You won’t separate your teens from technology but you can encourage them to engage in other things, like sport, and limit screen time. Set your rules and stick to them. Most of all have conversations, in person, with kids of any age even if they turn into one way ones when they hit the teen years.

There is potentially a whole generation who will struggle with social skills. Who will hide behind technology so they don’t have to deal with the real world. Who will struggle to work in an environment where they must get along with other humans. Who can’t determine if somebody is being genuine. Let’s make that the last generation that suffers any form of social anxiety.

Social skills are learned as we grow. Too much technology at a young age certainly has been shown to stifle Social Skills and creativity. Let’s encourage the next generation of artists and storytellers, let them be an active part of society, to happily mingle with others and not feel awkward.

BIO: Jan Kiermasz from John Jelly is a Digital Marketing Mentor and Trainer who has been working with technology for over 30 years. She specialises in teaching business owners how to grow their business through effective use of technology without the ‘ick’. Mum to one daughter (and 2 cats) she has a passion for education. jan@johnjelly.co.uk